5 Steps To Not Giving A Fuck

Life is fucking hard. Yeah, I said it. And you know what makes it worse? When we make it ten times harder on ourselves by swimming in a sea of crap that does’t deserve to be taking up our mental space. Our minds are precious, so lets stop focusing on the things we don’t give a fuck about, and fill it with what really matters. Don’t know how to do that? Check out these five steps to give you a head start.

1. FIND JOY – AKA figure out what makes you HAPPY. Is the work you do adding value or joy to your life? Are the people you’re surrounding yourself with making you feel bad about yourself, or making you a better person? Do you find yourself constantly doing things for others at the cost of your own happiness? Are you riddled with guilt when you say ‘no’? These questions are probably the toughest to answer, but they are essential in learning how to not give a fuck. Why? Because so many of us are wasting an insane amount of our time and energy on the things we don’t give a fuck about. Just think about how much more fulfilling life could be if we spent all of that energy on the things that bring us true joy?

2. INTEGRITY – Once you figure out what brings you joy, you now have the opportunity to STOP choosing the things that you don’t give a fuck about. At first it will be difficult, because we have trained ourselves to care about those things. Choosing happiness isn’t always at the forefront of our minds (for whatever psychological reason. There are some great therapists out there that can help you answer that for yourself), but now that you have figured out what brings you joy, you can spend your time and energy choosing it over the things you don’t give a fuck about. This takes PRACTICE. This is not going to happen overnight, but as you implement more joy in your life, with INTEGRITY, you will begin to experience a level of mental freedom that you might not have experienced before.

3. TRUST YOURSELF/ SELF AWARENESS – If you’re anything like me, you’ve lived a majority of your life giving a fuck about every little thing, especially the things that don’t serve you. Why? Because we are people pleasers, and choose everyone and every thing else over ourselves. Your gut is your best fucking friend. It comes before everything. Take the time to meditate, or sit in silence breathing deeply, so you can build a relationship with your gut instincts. This will help guide you through becoming aware of the things you should or shouldn’t give a fuck about, especially when you’re on the fence.

4. FIND YOUR SQUAD – Have you ever noticed the happier you are, and the better your life gets, you have a friend, co-worker, or family member that can’t and won’t share in your joy? Some even take it a step further, and try to do whatever it takes to kill your happiness. Yeah, you can’t take that shit personally. No matter how many fucks you try to give about them, you’ll never make them happy. Have true compassion for those people, and then move the fuck on. What you must spend your time and energy on is surrounding yourself with people who challenge you to be a better person, raise your standards, and remind you of your purpose. THIS IS CRUCIAL.

5. HONESTY THROUGH GRACE – Not giving a fuck does not give you permission to be a jerk, not even to the people who are jerks to you. It also doesn’t give you permission to be an arrogant ass hole. You can say no to an invitation with honesty and kindness, you can create boundaries with respect and compassion for yourself and the other person, and most importantly, you can always extend gratitude, even to the haters, because they are giving you an opportunity to learn how to love yourself whole and completely in the face of their ill intentions (sub-conscious or not).

A wise person once said “you can’t give somebody something you don’t have,” so choose joy, fill up your happiness cup, and give this world what it so desperately needs.

-Alisha Zalkin

Alisha Zalkin is a Los Angeles based singer and songwriter. She fronts the rock band Sleep Machine, whose songs have been heard in commercials and TV shows, such as ‘Younger’ (TV Land), ‘Quantico’ (ABC), and ‘The Fosters’ (Freeform). Additionally, she performs nationally as a featured and background vocalist.

2 replies
  1. suzi israel
    suzi israel says:

    I needed this TODAY. I have been fighting frustration and anger for 2 weeks. My St 4 Lymphoma has returned….and totally out of my control is when my treatments can start. Things have to happen before chemo. Blood work, paperwork, a chemo class-for real, Dr conferences. I am thankful I have doctors who take good care of me. Insurance I can afford (for now). A Squad who loves me….. BUT ALL I wanted to do this summer was go to LA and spend it with my son. Now…..maybe I will get to go for 1 week…and maybe not.
    I have to (let’s face it we all do) learn to let go of things we try to wrestle control of when they are not ours to control.


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